FIRST OF ALL, I want to say a big, fat thank you to each and every one of you who reached out with encouraging words about my very first podcast guest spot! AHHH! This was such a bucket list thing for me, and I’m so grateful to everyone who tuned in. And if you haven’t listened yet, you can check it out here (or you can find it as the most recent episode of the Day in the Life podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, etc.).
I’m so grateful to my friend Brittney Lynn for giving me the opportunity to share my journey with freelance writing (so far, at least) on her show. Honestly, I was nervous to listen to it myself, but once I got over the fear of hearing my own voice for an hour-plus (eek!), it felt great to give myself permission to lean back and listen to my story. I’ve definitely learned a lot in the past year!
Anyway, what I really wanted to share with you today is what I can see now was actually a pretty major milestone in this seemingly never-ending transition to working from home. When it happened, I didn’t think much of it, but Matt immediately told me I should blog about it, so here I am. (And if you don’t think it’s interesting, you know who to blame!)
The week before Thanksgiving, I was totally off my game. My throat was sore, I had a headache, and (as always seems to happen when I’m sick), I was struggling to get consistent sleep. I just felt… crappy. And run down. And, if I’m being honest, maybe even a little sorry for myself. As great as it can be to work from home and to be my own boss, it’s been easy to build up a narrative in my head about how impossible it is for me to slow down or take a day off. If I don’t do it, no one will. Nothing will get done. Which is true! I’m a one-woman operation, so any day off for me is a day off for, well, everyone. Shop’s closed, people.
When I woke up that Thursday (I use the phrase “woke up” loosely here, because I only actually slept for an hour or so), the thought of working my full Bustle shift was totally overwhelming to me. I couldn’t imagine staring at my computer for that long. It felt like my brain wasn’t working, and even the smallest amount of light was hurting my eyes. And it wasn’t just my Bustle shift! There were plenty of other things that had to get done — interview prep and blog posts a few stories with a deadline. In order to accomplish all of those things and put in my time with Bustle, I would have needed to start working the moment I got out of bed at 6 AM. On a normal day, that would have been a non-issue for me. But on this particular Thursday, I just wasn’t feeling it.
I asked Matt what he thought I should do. I texted no less than four of my friends, asking them what they thought about my taking a sick day. I asked Matt what he thought I should do again. The thought of telling my Bustle editor that I couldn’t clock in that day made me feel sick in an entirely different way.
The whole scene reminded me of the first time I’d wrestled with the same question — to take a sick day or not to take a sick day? — when I was a newbie at my corporate job. Back then, I was living with my parents in Pennsylvania and commuting back and forth to New York (yes, that was about four hours on the bus every day), so I naturally consulted with my mom first. I had plenty of sick days to use, but I was afraid of how my boss would react if I actually took one. I didn’t even know how to word the email telling her I wouldn’t be showing up.
In the end, taking that first official sick day was just like (and I realize this is cliché) ripping off a band-aid — and when I finally swallowed my own pride and told my Bustle editor that I couldn’t work that shift two weeks ago, it was exactly the same thing. She wasn’t mad. I didn’t get fired. She just told me to feel better.
Being a freelancer is weird. I work for myself to the extent that I manage my own time, but I’m also accountable to a lot of people. And while there have been days in the last year or so that I’ve allowed myself to take it easy or to sleep in because I wasn’t feeling 100 percent, last Thursday was the first time I was in a position to ask for “permission” to be sick, largely because I work with Bustle on a per-hour — instead of a per-story — basis. It was interesting to be reminded of that feeling of clearing something with a boss.
I have zero regrets about taking that sick day. I took a Benadryl and got a few hours of sleep. I drank a lot of tea. I watched a lot of embarrassing TV. And the next time I talked to my Bustle editor, she didn’t even remember it had happened. It’s freeing to realize that these decisions aren’t quite as important as they can feel in the moment, don’t you think?
….AND don’t forget to enter this month’s giveaway! I know last week was a little crazy with Thanksgiving and family and travel, but the November prize is really awesome, so I don’t want you to miss out! This month, I’m giving away TWO (yes, two) bracelets from The Shine Project — a white druzzy and a feather charm. Both are on gold chains and would look great paired or worn separately. All you have to do to enter to win is comment on my last post. I’ll be drawing and announcing the winner here on the blog this Friday 12/1, so get those entries in ASAP!