Happy Monday, fabulous friends! Matt and I spent the weekend here in Brooklyn for the first time this summer, and I’ve gotta say, it was pretty magical. We slept in (which, for me, means I stayed in bed until a little after 9… luxurious!), went to brunch with friends at Rucola (this is one of our favorite spots, and if you’re in Brooklyn, you should definitely check it out — and get the smoked salmon), drank watermelon margaritas at Bar Bruno, watched movies, napped, read books and the newspaper, baked these Brownie Krinkle cookies, went to the gym, and explored a Bastille Day festival hosted by a French restaurant on our block. It was a weekend of yummy food and of summery drinks and of catching up with our NYC community and of cozying up in our little home and of spending low-key quality time together. I loved every minute of it, and I’ll admit that I had some serious Sunday scaries last night (while Matt watched the Game of Thrones season premiere and I sat in bed and wrote, which becomes our Sunday evening routine as soon as GOT is back on — sorry, I just can’t get into it).
I’m a few days behind on my monthly recap post (you can check out the last one here), but I’m happy to report today that I’m now ten months (and a few days) into the freelance journey. It was this time last year that I begin to do some serious soul searching about what the next right step for me would be. While I love celebrating each milestone of my “new life,” it’s difficult for me to look back on how I was feeling and what I was walking through twelve months ago.
Matt and I were newly married, and while I’d struggled to decide whether or not I was built for corporate life before our wedding, I’d fiercely hoped that, once all the chaos of planning our big day had died down, I’d feel comfortable and confident at the office again. I wanted things to go back to normal for me, emotionally. I wanted to wake up every morning and know that I was going to the right place and doing the very best I could for both myself and my co-workers. I always felt very blessed to work for my company — I still feel very blessed to have had the opportunity to start my career there — and I was enormously conflicted about the fact that I couldn’t make it work when I had so clearly landed my dream job.
And so, coming back from our honeymoon last July, I started riding an emotional roller coaster, knowing that I still wanted to be part of the something greater that my company represented, knowing that I wanted to figure out why I suddenly felt so confused so I could fix it and stick around, but also knowing — in my gut, which is where I feel things most intensely — that I needed to make some changes. It took many more weeks and many more tearful conversations for me to figure out what to do next, but July is when my wheels started turning, and I can’t help but think of that now.
Working from home and being out on my own was not then and still is not now a simple solution. As all of you know better than anyone, this journey continues to be an emotional roller coaster, and there have been plenty of moments when I’ve wondered if those scary thoughts I started thinking last July brought me to where I’m truly supposed to be.
All of that said, though, I feel really happy writing this today, because today is a really good day. This last month has led me to some of my favorite projects to date, and since I’ve freed up a little extra time here and there in honor of the summertime to allow me to invest more in working on my book lately, I’m feeling more creative than ever. I’m obsessed with writing. I think about it constantly.
Guys, it feels really good. At least right now, it feels like I made the right decision — and that, even better, the decision kind of found me.
I love when I can share a recap like this one, because it’s satisfying to have an emotional high point so perfectly match up with a chronological milestone in this ongoing transition. I also know that these moments of reflection don’t always feel this great, so I want to celebrate the ones that do.
These next two months are bound to be a little extra emotional, since they not only mark the anniversary of starting my life as a writer, but also the anniversary of the period when I started questioning myself, wondering what I was supposed to do, and ultimately, making some really difficult decisions. I can’t believe so much time has passed, but I’m humbled by the way it’s played out, and so grateful for the chance to revel in the little victories. Thanks to each and every one of you for being along for the ride. You rule, each and every one of you.